Foz's House of The Awesome

The Chronicles of Bob

2006-01-16T19:12:00.000-05:00

So begineth the legend that is.......................

The Chronicles of Bob

Bob begineth life as a soaking wet dog.

After bathing for 24 hours, Bob was ready for his food.

Upon dining on the seed paste, Bob was ready for his long nap.

Soon, Bob began to grow into a full adult with sprouts and all.

By day six Bob had already began to indulge in the finer things.

Soon Bob will be able to leave the comforts of the table with his new coat.

Until then, he sittith on the right side of my coffee table. Enjoy.

More news of Bob as the weeks continue.

Jarhead

2005-11-06T23:34:00.000-05:00

Don't be looking for a combat story

I literally just returned from the movie theater having seen Jarhead. First off let me say that I really enjoyed this movie. Second, let me say that I also had read the book and therefore knew beforehand that this was not going to be a Desert Storm combat movie. This is really a movie about the main character, Anthony Swofford, and his journey through his time in the Marine Corps, with emphasis placed on his time in the gulf. The movie shows how the corps changes him and begins to have an effect on his sanity. With that said however, there were quite a few very funny parts. I'm not quite as good with reviews as Fitz, Morty, or Bill, but I will say that I really enjoyed the movie. I will definately buy it when it comes out. The acting was great. (there, that's kind of like a review) If you like to read, I highly reccomend you pick up a copy of this book. It was a great read. OK, until later on. Go see Jarhead.

The White Guy Game

2005-10-05T18:28:00.000-04:00

Allright everyone, this is a short one but I just always have so much fun with this that I had to share it. It's called the white guy game. Here's how to play.

1) Tune radio/CD player to favorite rap station/track. (Knowledge of lyrics is essential)
2) Sing Along.
3) While singing, instead of trying to match the artist's flow and lyrical style, simply say every word in the stereotypical "white guy" style clearly pronouncing every word, especially the slang words. Pronounce every letter of every word. Thus sounding like a 50 year old executive. Also pretend that you're the guy pictured above.
4) Laugh.

What's up in the world of Foz

2005-09-24T13:59:00.000-04:00

What's up my loyal readership? (All five or six of you) So here's what's up with me right now. I'm currently not in Europe as I had planned. Instead I decided to be responsible and get a real job, buy a big bed, and a new car. So I'm now full time living in STL. Sorry it's been a while. However jumping through hoops for the MO DMV to get a license and register my car has been an ordeal in of itself. I'll spare you the intricate details and just tell you these few sentences.

Me (at any general Government establishment): Hello, I need (random official document).

Government Worker: Do you have (other random offical document)?

Me: No, I wasn't told that I needed one to get (random offical document).

Government Worker: Yes sir, you'll need to go to (random government office) to get one. But they're all the way down (random traffic infested STL street) and they close in fifteen minutes. (keep in mind that I get off work at about 3:30 or so)

Me: (to myself) FUCK! (to them) Oh ok, thanks.

Then I go home pissed cause I have no time to do that and must go there tomorrow and repeat the same situation over and over for about two weeks. Then when it's all in order I had to give MO a shit ton of cash. I love the government!

Peace out.

House of the Awesome on Hiatus.

2005-07-08T12:10:00.000-04:00

Word. So I'm moving again. This time out of Elkhart (Thank you lord!) So I'll be in Southern IL for a few months probably like one and a half. Also I may move to STL immediately, I just don't know. Either way, I'm taking a trip to Europe in September and will be gone for 6 weeks. So, I'll try to post from time to time in Europe but we'll just see. When I get settled down with a real 40 hours a week job that pays enough that I don't have to work elsewhere, there will be more time for posting. Thanks for checking the site and I'll be back! It's an honest promise! Until then, here's a picture of me. Just in case you don't get enough Foz time in your daily life.

The Greatest Piece of Journalism of our Time!!

2005-06-23T10:17:00.000-04:00

No Homo

The local newspaper here in Elkhart, known as The Truth published an article this past Tuesday in which I was totally captivated. There's not much else I need to do here but just let you link to it and read away. Seriously, read it. Enjoy.

http://www.etruth.com/News/Content.aspx?ID=350828&page

Remember, now he's looking to do the same with girls!

Juvinile and Sophmoric? Of course. Funny? HELL YES!

I will never get that 87 minutes back!

2005-04-04T18:08:00.000-04:00

Or how "Freddy Got Fingered" is the worst movie ever

OK, I know that I'm just asking to be made fun of on this one but I have to relay this as a warning for anyone who has not seen this movie.

So I recently watched the film "Freddy Got Fingered" starring Tom Green and the guy who played Finch in the "American Pie" movies. Let me just tell you that, while I wasn't expecting pure cinematography magic, I was expecting to be at least mildly entertained. This wasn't unreasonable, mind you, I did enjoy Tom's show on MTV. This movie, however, was the biggest waste of time I've ever encountered. I actually like the movie "King Ralph" better than this, and that movie my friends, was a complete load of shit.

Suggestions of things to do other than watch "Freddy Got Fingered":
1. Shove bamboo splints under fingernails.
2. Jump off tall buildings.
3. Read books about Quantum Mechanics or Chemistry
4. Watch re-runs of "Sister Sister" on UPN
5. See how long you can hold your pee
6. Step into oncoming traffic
7. Watch "King Ralph"

Revenge at Work

2005-03-07T20:00:00.000-05:00

Welcome the the House of the Awesome's new series "How to Get Revenge at Work and Get Away With It." In most cases the target will be none the wiser. Let me preface this by saying that I have not employed any of these tactics myself and only present them here for the reader's amusement/education. However, if you do try any of these, feel free to post the story in the comments. Enjoy.

Lesson 1: The Vicarious Teabag (VT)

So, is some bastard at work really pissing you off? Well what better way to get even with the co-worker than to rest back in your chair with the satisfying feel of sweet, sweet, hilarious revenge? While a real teabag would be out of the question in a real work environment, the Vicarious Teabag is your solution. Here it is:

First, identify your target. This is probably easy to do as it is the person at work that you can't fucking stand. (Refer to Fig. A)

Second, when your mark leaves his or her cup in a fairly secluded area, briskly rub your boys between your fingers picking up the "ball essence." (Refer to Fig. B)

Third, begin to rub your fingers along the straw or brim of the glass and continue until you are satisfied with the amount of essence left on the surface. (Refer to Fig. C)

Lastly, enjoy a laugh to yourself or out loud depending on whether or not you deem it appropriate. Then sit back in your chair with the knowledge that revenge is yours and your balls have now vicariously teabagged that bastard. (Refer to Fig. D)

How Nerdy are you??????

2005-03-04T01:17:00.000-05:00

I'll be damned. I'm not a nerd according to a quiz programmed by nerds. How about that? Take this quiz and post your results in the comments so we can all mock you.

Love Foz

Foz's Greatest War Movies

2005-03-02T19:12:00.000-05:00

Allright. I realize that I'm a little behind on the list of favorite movies, but I just got internet at my appartment so you've got to bare with me while I chime in on the things you all have been posting without a reply from me. Anyways, feel free to argue at will in the forums. Here we go with my favorite picks for best war movies.

10. A Bridge Too Far
9. Glory
8. The Longest Day

-The first time Morty ever complimented a movie I liked. "Thats a great shot."
7. Stallingrad
-Yes, I do mean Stallingrad, it's German. No, I don't mean Enemy at the Gates.
6. Gettysburg
5. Full Metal Jacket
4. Black Hawk Down
3. The Patriot
2. We Were Soliders
1. Saving Private Ryan

Honorable mention: Paths of Glory, All Quiet on the Western Front (1979), The Lost Batallion, U-571, Das Boot, A Bridge on the River Kwai, Memphis Belle, and Master and Commander.

Dishonorable Mention: Windtalkers Seriously Mr. Woo, learn what is and isn't possible with a Colt 45 1911A1.

Runner Up for Greatest Action Sequence: GI Joe The Movie. The opening sequence is bad ass. -credit to Fitz

Back on the Net.......

2005-03-01T23:57:00.000-05:00

Allright so finally after months of arguing with Verizon (who sucks ass), I finally have DSL. Clinicals are going well, the people that I work with are all really cool people who are really helpful (as a matter of fact, my buddy Dave took the picture below of my buddy Shawn), and I’m about to start my MRI rotation
and be finished with my CT rotation. I’m now also employed as a server at the local neighborhood Applebee’s. I’m pretty much like this guy who played the annoying waiter in Office Space. I’m always supposed to be selling shit like “Hey guys! Can I interest you in something to munch on, maybe some shrimp poppers, pizza shooters, or extreme fajitas?” So I work approximately 70 hours a week, only 30 of which are paid. Sweet huh? So more articles to follow.

PS. The ladies of CT are all cool as well. Linda, Kim, Dawn, Karen, and Tami (by the way Tami, you're daugher is hot.) Foz out.

Just a quick one to let you know what´s going on.

2005-01-13T17:05:00.000-05:00

Hey Everyone.
I´m now in Elkhart IN. I moved this past Monday. The town has a population of like 55,000 and in this town, it is impossible for me to get high speed internet. Isn´t that fucking archaic? Also, just so I can get shitty ass dial-up, I have to wait until Febuary to get a phone line. I´m actually writing this post from the damn library. I waited on hold for an hour. (Not an exageration, I promise) just so Verizon could tell me that I wasn´t able to get DSL. Cable is not an option becuase my appartment complex provides cable so AT&T can´t come in. I can´t get wireless because my complex won´t allow us to put up the 19 inch antenna. Man I fucking hate this town already. If I didn´t love snow the weather would suck too. Since I moved it has either snowed or rained all day every day. Snow all days but one. The only bright side is that there is now a Taco Bell less than 1/4 of a mile rom me, which is awesome (see post below). So, until I get dial suck at my place my posts will be few and far between. But just wanted everyone to know what´s going on in the world of the Foz, which at this point is far from awesome. By the way if anyone has any ideas about how to get the high speed net please feel free to post them here or tell Fitz and have him call me. Thanks everyone. This is Foz from the asshole of IN. Peace out.

In a perfect world.......

2004-12-22T14:19:00.000-05:00

I was watching Demolition Man the other night at like 3 or so and I found a part that was just about the coolest thing ever. Do you remember in that movie that Taco Bell was the only resturaunt around? For those of you who know me well, you know that this is Foz's ultimate society! Think of it, no matter where you went, a Taco Bell would be nearby. Taking a chick out to eat at Taco Bell would be cool instead of horribly pathetic.

(No I haven't done that but man have I wanted to.) Think of it man! A delicious Chilli Cheese Burrito would be only moments away, no matter where you were. Grilled Stuft Burritos, Nachos, Chalupas, damn I'm hungry, Spicy Chicken Burritos, all a short drive away. I don't live in STL anymore so this is no longer an option for me. My closest TB is about 10 - 15 minutes away. It sucks. Well we can still hope, that movie takes place in 2035. There's still time to work on it. Lets all see what we can do.
By the way this guy loves Taco Bell even more than me, if you can believe that.

Rock on.

Funny Places to Check Out

2004-12-21T03:24:00.000-05:00

I've come across some funny ass websites and I think you all owe it to yourself to check them out, if you haven't already.
1. Pee Mail
2. Ebaum's World
3. Seedy Sanchez
4. Ding Fa De Dah you know, just something for the holidays.

Words to live by.

2004-12-20T03:06:00.000-05:00

Make fun all you want. However I have to say that I do love this movie as well. Van Wilder has given me three of my life's phrases to live by.

1) Worrying is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
2) You can't treat every situation like it's life or death. You'll die lots of times.
3) Don't take life too seriously, you'll never get out alive.

The two best movies I've seen all year.

2004-12-20T01:21:00.000-05:00

I just finished watching a movie that has tied with my other favorite of the past year. Come to think of it, I believe these might be two of my favorite movies of all time. The first movie is Garden State.

This was by far the best movie I have seen in years. What I found most impressive was the fact that Zach Braff, who you may or may not know from the TV show Scrubs wrote, directed, and starred in this movie. I was really impressed by Braff's performance especially since it was such a different type of role than you're used to seeing him play in Scrubs. You might also want to check out Zach's Garden State Blog written by mister Braff himself. The soundtrack kicks serious ass as well.

The general, and very shortened down, premise of this movie is that Andrew Largeman returns home following his mother's death to his hometown in "The Garden State" New Jersey. He's been estranged from his family for almost 10 years and returns home with a lot of serious issues to work out with himself and his family. He begins hanging out with his old pals and finds a new girl with just as many issues as he has. The entire movie is sort of a track of Andrew's self-discovery and his realization that he can be O.K. again. If you haven't seen this movie go check it out when it's released on December 27th, it will change your life. Well at least it did mine.

The second movie which I would have to say ties with Garden State is Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.

Not to sound like a movie critic or anything like that, but I've never been through a range of so many emotions while watching one movie. This could seriously be some of Jim Carey's best work to date. I am really impressed with this movie.

The basic premise of this movie is as follows: Joel (Jim Carey) and Clementine (Kate Winslet) are a couple. After a period of problems Clementine has her memory of Joel totally erased by a company called Lacuna Inc. Joel is then informed of this procedure by friends who he confides in about the relationship's problems. Joel then decides to have the same procedure done. From there on the movie is split between Joel re-living his memories while they're being erased and what the people who are erasing his memories are doing while this process is being accomplished. Throughout the erasing process Joel slowly discovers that he does not want to lose the memories of Clementine. In actuality he realizes that what they had was something amazing. I don't want to give much more of it away.

If you haven't seen this movie go and rent it today and watch it. I was blown away by this film.

So there you have it. My favorite's of 2004 and possibly my life to this point. If you don't agree that's cool. I like them so back off.

I find this interesting.

2004-12-12T16:53:00.001-05:00

TuPac is releasing another new album. How the hell can one guy who's been dead for 8 years keep releasing albums? I just don't understand it. He's had what? like three new albums since he's been dead? Possibly 4. I don't get it. How the hell can he still be making new music? I guess he's not really dead. What do you think?

Just A Few Things That Aggervate Me

2004-12-10T18:41:00.000-05:00

Ok so I’ve been noticing thing that have been bugging the shit out of me. Here’s a brief list of these things and a reason why.

Cell Phone Clips

I’ve been seeing a lot of these around. Congratulations! You have a cell phone. You know who else has a cell phone? Every-fucking-one else does. Not all of us, however feel the need to advertise this fact by wearing our phones on our belts. Your phone is not jewelry. It does not make you any cooler. Do you really think that people look at you and say “Damn, that person must be really popular/cool/important! So much so that they have to wear their phone in a place where it takes them two less seconds to answer their phone than if it were in their pocket/purse. Wow! I’m really impressed. I should go meet him/her!” Let me answer that question for you. No. People don’t think that. There’s no reason to wear you phone on a belt clip in a bar. There’s also no reason why you should be wearing your phone on a belt clip in the mall. Actually, there’s no reason for you to wear your phone on the clip anywhere.

Exceptions to this: Doctors “on call” and maybe someone waiting for very important information. However, if that’s the case, why the fuck are you in a bar?

Tricked-Out Economy Cars
Hey! You have a Neon,

Fiesta,

or Metro.

Wow, that’s so sweet that you finally got your high performance 4 cylinder. You know what would make it even more sweet? Why don’t you tint the windows, put some huge grey old English lettering words on the top of the windshield and on the rear window, get new rims, put on an after market spoiler, an after market hood, install neon running lights, and try to make your exhaust sound louder. Man that would be so cool! Maybe then you can fool people into thinking that you aren’t driving a piece of shit. Here’s an idea! Instead of spending all of that money on all of that stupid shit, why don’t you just buy a better car to begin with? Hummmmm. Two words. Fucking Morons.

Chicks Who Think They’re Princesses
You’re not. You’re either a spoiled bitch or a delusional whack-job. If it’s the latter, I suggest seeking professional help. The T-shirt, keychain, and sticker on your car are only going to convince guys that you’re high-maintenance and steer them away. Get over yourself.

That’s all I’ve got for now. If I think of anything else, I’ll post it.

Tests, Quizes, and Finals. ALL SUCK ASS!

2004-12-08T18:11:00.000-05:00

Shit man, I've had either a test, quiz, or comprehensive final every day of class for the past week, and the hell of it is not over until next tuesday. I had my first final today, I've got one tomorrow, and then two more finals next week, all comprehensive. My test today involved me memorizing 215 pages of a book. The rest shouldn't be as bad, but still I have to study my ass off. Anyways, I'm procrastinating just writing this article. I really should be studying. Oh well, its better than studying. OK well, I'm about to hit the books. I'm working on a post that I'll get up here as soon as I have time. Look for it about mid-next week. Until then, peace out, and wish me luck.

Foz

Elkhart, IN

2004-11-22T02:09:00.000-05:00

Ok, as you may or may not know, I'll be doing my clinical rotations for MRI/CT training in a town called Elkhart in Indiana. While the state does gain some coolpoints for sharing a name with a movie great and being the setting for one of the greatest basketball movies of all time, the town of Elkhart is leaving a little to be desired. I took a trip up to Elkhart this weekend to meet with hospital personel and to find an appartment. The town, which is slightly bigger than Cape Girardeau is layed out in a very strange manner. I'm not even sure how to describe it. The outer town is in a North South grid while the town center is rotated about 45 degrees to the right. This makes for some confusing road names and continuations. Also, some roads have the same name, does that make sense? No. The nightlife is also lacking. When we asked people we met where to go on weekend nights they said that pretty much no-where was happening. One guy actually said "welcome to the asshole of Indiana." In fact, the only place that was reccomended to us was a resturant/bar called Gubi's. Yeah, Gubi's. If the guy I'm going to clinicals with wasn't cool, I think I would go fucking insane. At least South Bend is nearby and we can go party with Norte Dame hotties. That will be nice.

On the plus side, Elkhart county is the largest manufacturing site for RV's in all of the world. Yeah, world. So I got that going for me, which is nice. My appartment is also pretty sweet. Well thats about it. Peace out.

2004-11-17T20:14:00.000-05:00

Ski Trip

I'm lost.

2004-11-17T20:02:00.000-05:00

I have no idea how to use the blogger site. I forgot how to post pictures too. Anyone who can help with this would be awesome. Fitz and Bill, I'm looking at you guys. Since you all have taken an interest in checking the site from time to time, I'll start posting and re-vamping the site as soon as I have time to figure it out. Until then.

Boring shit.

2004-08-12T12:47:00.000-04:00

Ok, so I'm in Herrin now and I'm kind of bored. My roommate is cool and I've been partying with all of my buddies so that's been fun. I'm just bored right now because there is no-one around to hang out with. Guess I'll just got play X-box or PS2. Peace out.

2004-07-11T15:54:00.000-04:00